An Exploration Of Bitterness / The Blog I Tried Not To Write

Dear Kate,

This post is not for you.
The barbed shards poking between each line are not pointed at your jugular.

  

21/05/2011

To The Collective Former Educators Of My Daughter,

RE: Super Kate, Student No.1

Your 'good old Christian charity' did not start at home.
In fact, whenever I mention your name, I am answered immediately with a sentence containing the word 'evil'. Do you think that unjust?  Well I challenge you to ponder a few points.

"You are expected to know that by now!  Students of your age do not confuse their /b/s and /d/s!"

Who exactly was this tirade beneficial for?  Did you let off some steam?  Did you feel better by making it clear that you are an inherently, easily successful person, and that you expect the same of others?

• DO YOU NOT THINK, THAT SHE WOULD HAVE LIKED TO GET IT CORRECT?
• DO YOU NOT THINK, THAT IF SHE WAS ABLE TO DO IT, SHE WOULD HAVE?
• DO YOU THINK THAT THIS CANTANKEROUS ACCUSATION OF LAZINESS WAS IN ANY WAY HELPFUL OR CONSTRUCTIVE?

 Several weeks before this event, I gave my daughter a ring.  A small, conservative, silver cygnet ring.  We worked out between us that she could wear the Ring on her Right hand which she wRites with.  This helped her with directionality and therefore /b/ & /d/. YOU told her to take it off.

 I pleaded our case and was told that jewellery was not allowed in any circumstances.  This rule did not seem to extend to earrings, as they were worn by many (I guess because of the clear link between small pieces of metal stuck through earlobes and superior academic performance as well as Godliness).  At length you made a concession and we were told that  a skin coloured hairband could be placed upon the wrist.  The very next day, my daughter was informed that hairbands were to be worn in the hair and not upon the wrist.

So this year you are on a mission.  How is that treating you?  Someone I know regularly laments the fate of the poor 3rd world children under your tutelage, but then is happy that you are not inflicting your 'evilness' on the Australian children who are her friends.

I bet you feel good about your personal sacrifice, to help the minions.  I bet your colleagues and friends hold you in high esteem for your noble efforts.  I bet you get a warm fuzzy feeling when you see the new schoolhouse that your international adventure has procured.  That will look lovely on the resume too.  Make sure you get a happy snap of yourself and some cute black children stood out front.  God smiles on shit like that.

With all that gratuitous pleasure up for grabs, why would you want to help a silently melting child take her first incremental step toward becoming literate? Where are the accolades in that? You tried once but she clearly wasn't trying, because  it didn't work and YOU are an 'awesome' teacher.  

 Oh, and you teach in an 'awesome' school.  And 'the technology is just awesome!'.

I .FIND. YOUR. CONTINUOUS. LIP. SERVICE. ABOUT. YOUR. OWN. 'AWESOMENESS' . REPUGNANT.

 How awesome was it to watch the little girl, seated (inappropriately) at the back of the classroom, slowly turn to dust, along with her prospects and aspirations ????

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**************************************************************************

Now that I have spewed forth that diatribe I have the breath to say:

I think you are generally good, kind people.
I don't think that you are bad teachers when it comes to basic mainstream education.
I don't wish for you to stop being teachers.
I do wish that you would understand that your general success as teachers and as a school does not make you superior and well informed in all areas of education.
My opinion as a parent is valid.
Education is lifelong, for you too.
You are not informed on appropriate teaching methods for gifted children with learning disabilities.
The ramifications of your ignorance can be devastating and life long.
Ignorance is not an excuse.
I do not excuse you.

Kind regards,
Super Kate's mum

Dyslexia, You, Me, The World.

Dear Kate,

Today I feel scared to be your parent, and hence another post. 

In the meanwhile, since my last post, you have been your usual exceptional self, accomplishing many amazing things and showing the capabilities of your brilliant mind. Since we began homeschooling, your happiness and confidence have grown to the point that you are sometimes impertinent and I secretly love it.

But......

today I am scared.  I am scared of damaging you, psychologically, emotionally and academically.  I know that with your giftedness comes great sensitivity.  I know that your giftedness combined with your disability, places you are up against some pretty terrifying statistics.  Statistics that involve rejecting education & society, leading to conduct disorders and prison.

I am scared that my knowledge and frustration separates me from the people close to me.

I am scared that other people's ignorance about twice execptionality makes them discount me and my opinions.



The reason that I feel this way, here and now:

Yesterday I went to a conference.  It was about the many children who are just like you.  I learnt something new, just as I hoped I would.  Something that perhaps is of benefit to you.  I drove home bursting with it. I tried telling several people about it (and you are so perceptive and you know me so well, that I probably don't need to tell you, that it was not at the right time and not in the right way).

I didn't get the response I had hoped for and that was difficult after being with a room full of people all day who spoke my language, just as fervently as I did.  And that was saddening and frightening because I only have one chance to be your parent and I want to do it well and I want to be supported in doing it.

At times like these, the questions arise and the slow internal combustion begins: the quickening beat of the heart, the dizziness, the blurring vision. I am scared. And the words seem to flow out of me in these moments when I would otherwise burst.




But I am not always scared.

In fact, I mostly feel very confident and I am always delighted to be your parent. This post is nothing if not heartfelt, but you should know that my heart does not always feel heavy. 

When I look at you, you are so complete and wonderful and will no doubt bestow upon the world something great. If the world could just advance us a little something on the way.....

Or the government, but then that is a whole new post.

Love Mum
  xox